Remember the actor I was dealing with last weekend? The guy I intended to be my first hot and dirty NY one-night-stand? The same one that turned out to be a funny, smart, decent, potential boyfriend?
Well I think I ruined it. Of course, I ruin EVERYTHING!!!!
Yesturday, inspired by a fantastic 9AM meeting with a hot new magazine, and filled with an overwhelming disdain for my current job, I called in sick. (I was sick of work, damn it!). Then I texted the actor: taking the day off…laying in bed watching movies…want to join?
He was running late for an important audition and promised he’d call me afterwards. He couldn’t wait. I am very good sex, after all. tee hee. At least, ever since I got to NY I’ve been very good sex. (not the point, back to the story).
Two hours go by. I text again: hello…come fuck me!
He calls laughing and convinces me to go nine blocks down to his place. Fine. I’ve travelled further distances to get laid before. He meets me at the corner in his PJ’s and no underwear. He hasn’t shaved…something about needing to look scruffy for a part. Damn, life is good. He holds my hand and waltz’s me through the misty streets of Manhattan to pick up lunch and tell me about the audition.
Why have I been so hard on actors? Actors are hot. He is hot.
We get back to his apartment and its gorgeous–two views–better than my view, if that’s possible. After a red wine glass full of white, he tells me we’re going out for margarittas. But baby, I’m already drunk, i say. No no, that’s not possible. Don’t I want margarittas? Won’t it be fun to go drinking at 3 in the afternoon and have kinky drunk sex?
OK. I guess.
So we get margarittas and talk to the waitress at Baby Bo’s, my favoraite. Wow, he’s really great, I really like him. Shh. No I don’t. He’s an actor and an occaisional coke head–what am I doing?
Before I know it, he’s paid the bill and picked me out of my seat. Time for drunk sex. Here’s the problem…I am TOO drunk to have sex now. I try anyway.
At first it’s OK…he’s doing most of the work because I’m too loopy to try. I have a vague memory of saying, I love you, tell me you love me too…just pretend. So he said, I love you, and flipped me over. Two seconds later I announced: I’m going to sleep now and literally FELL ASLEEP MID-DOGGIE STYLE. duuudeeee……..what a wipe out.
Yes, I’ll wait for you to finish laughing…..
I remember opening my eyes for a bit and seeing him sitting at the bottom of the bed watching ‘Anchor Man’ and eating a sandwhich. “Will you wake me up when its time to go?” I ask. “Of course, will you give me head before you leave?” he questions. Maybe…
Half an hour goes by and he curls up beside me. I open my eyes again and my head is on his chest, my forehead touching his unshaved chin. “Wake up babe, it’s time to go”. Still drunk and not totally sure what to do or say, I blurted out: hey, do you like me?
of course I like you.
I kissed his face. Next question. Do you want to date me?
no answer.
no answer.
he kissed my forehead. It’s time to go. “Will you give me head?”
“No. I gave you head when I got here. You got off once, I got off zero, we’re even”. Then I got dressed. We walked down to the corner awkwardly, and not particularly as lovey-dovey as the day began. “Will you call me?” I ask. “Maybe” he says. I delete his number from my phone as I navigate traffic and head home to pass out for another hour.
Whatever. I don’t date actors anyways.
But tonight…we’re partying…downtown…and pre-gaming on memosas….:) I love my life!
